like a lotus blooming, she spoke
of home, tales of tears while smiling
a royal bengal tigress, far from home
no longer surrounded by native roars
i sit wide-eyed with curiosity, awe
picturing her in a saffron cape of courage
descriptions of matchmakers that aid
with prearranged lives, cultural castes
unions that are blessed with mounds
of plantains, milk, bowls of turmeric
prayers sent up to the sun as a god
horoscopes consulted, studied in earnest
wonderous sari of deep red, gold glimmer
intricate head pieces that glitter and dangle
borrowed from the artist that dressed
her skin, her hair, her entrance like
the grace, pride, beauty of a peacock
into a vast sea of 1500 brilliant colors
elder males wearing white, shirtless Brahmin
knots in necklaces, family denoted by lineage
more than title, no simple aunt and uncle
as families bear up the union as prop roots
to massive banyan tree lift fruit to daylight
i wish her the alabaster white of unity and peace
the darkest green of both faith and fertility like
four lions, back to back, may she be courageous
yet while i snack quietly upon ripened mango
there remains a question none of us dare to ask
when the celebration ceases, wedding games end
how do you make love to a stranger
Jaymie Thorne's Personal Musings 
November 11th, 2009 at 10:02 am
WoW! I adore this and the punch at the end is intense! Bravo my girl! Carry On! xoxo –L.K. Thayer
November 11th, 2009 at 10:22 am
Thank you LK!
November 11th, 2009 at 11:06 am
[…] by Glimpsing India, a poem by Jaymie […]
November 11th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Love it!
November 11th, 2009 at 11:09 am
With the amount of our population rising and history of kamasutra behind us, we simple indian folks do quite well with SEX, thank you for wondering!
Also with our rate of education for women, you can not expect that all are rapes on the wedding night.
And the people who have arranged marriage tend to have more successful marriaed life…
and losers like me, who became to westernized and get married out of caste and for love…spend a major chunk of life learning another culture from another part of india…..and even later wonder…what did i exactly love in this dude?…lol!!!
i am really interested to see what everyone will comment..
November 11th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Thank you for your insight on this earlier. I’m curious to see the comments too. It was really interesting learning a little bit about your culture.
November 11th, 2009 at 11:33 am
rich deep images
i loved a man whose marraige
had been prearranged
Way back when we were in high school. He was from Saudi Arabia and was Muslim. We were crazy about one another but never even kissed. He came to my house one day and told me he wanted to be my boyfriend. We walked and walked and walked and talked and talked. Ended up sitting on the sidewalk holding hands, both of us weeping. In order to date me he would have to lie to his parents and sneak around. I didn’t want that, and really, neither did he. He followed their wishes and married the woman they’d chosen for him. Got the education they’d decided upon and did the profession they wanted. Made TONS of money like they wanted. Then last I heard, he’d left ‘their’ bride and ‘their’ career and was living a much financially poorer but spiritually richer, happy existence. Who knows?
November 11th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
You can never plan for everything. So interesting to learn about other cultures.
November 11th, 2009 at 11:39 am
An absolutely amazing poem, Jaymie.
I wrote my own poetic reply as I’m sure you will see, however, I wanted to be a little more (or less) articulate in my answer as well. Every partner we may ever have will always be a stranger. We can love another person only through commiting to make “loving” a way of our lives. Devoting ourselves to listening and truly accepting others is the only way to ‘love’ another and in so commiting our selves to this way of life we also commit to loving strangers.
November 11th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
I agree that we always come together as strangers but I can’t imagine never having met before – this woman met her husband for the first time in front of 1500 people, most of them were also strangers to her.
November 11th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Thank you for sharing with us the world of people who live in different parts of our section of the universe. I have always known of such customs, but have always had a problem with the logic.
November 11th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Many of the customs were new to me. A new friend shared close to 800 wedding photos with a group of us last Sunday. She was very patient trying to explain her culture but I still don’t understand it very well. It was so interesting to hear her describe her culture. A brave woman in a brand new country opening her heart – I am so blessed!
November 11th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
Wow! That’s amazing! I would have loved to have been there. My son just spent many months in India and is saving up to return, perhaps for good. He fell head over heels in love with the people and culture…..
Thanks! It really is a lovely poem and has sparked so much interesting conversation! Says me who is supposed to be painting! Bye! 🙂
November 11th, 2009 at 6:22 pm
Back to the drawing boa…er, uh…canvas! I wish you could have been there too!
November 11th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
An amazing job, Jaymie, a brilliant piece, and I love the punchline at the end. Something I’ve always wondered and you expressed perfectly. Awesome piece.
November 11th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Thank you Darc. I had to do a lot of research on this one – more than any other poem I’ve written. It was a wonderful learning experience.
November 11th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
You do such a marvelous job of painting the images so we see the scene and feel the distance growing even before the question – A question more universal than cultural and maybe even one we ask across the years living on and on with someone that we imagined that we knew – and they us. This makes me want to think and write about this too – you an inspiration here.
November 11th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
I will watch for your take on this one! Did you get a chance to look at what Imperfect Servant wrote over at “brainstew – impressions personafied”? His link is on my blogroll and he wrote a poem on the subject this morning. It is wonderful.
November 11th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
I, too, enjoy learning of others cultures…loved how you set up the last line…
I have a couple of Indian friends so I have been told of this arranged marriage thing…it works for many of them and has been that way a very long time..I myself could not imagine it but course I am 46 and never married…lol
Maybe I need a stranger…~smiles~
November 11th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
I’m 45, married for 25, and he is still sometimes a stranger – or perhaps just strange? LOL I love learning about other cultures, this was a real treat for me.
(I think you found one already) 🙂
November 11th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
you tell it beautifully.
i am standing somewhere between you and the servant.
thinking
culture
November 11th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
I will keep checking in for your take on the subject. I always learn much when I visit.
November 11th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Fascinating take on cultural curiosity. I love how you brought the images to life, even the smells and sounds. 🙂
November 11th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
This one took lots of research because I am not very familair with the culture. Lots of references to their national symbols. It was fun – so was the evening that inspired it. 🙂
November 11th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Beautifully done. The imagery is exquisite. I suppose at the end of it all, the person is not just any stranger, but your stranger. In modern times however, the bride and groom do often meet. My marriage was not arranged as I am a “foreigner”. We met in grad school in the U.S. We had two weddings. One similar to what you described but on a small scale and one with a pastor. That was about 15 years ago.
November 11th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
I was able to see close to 800 pictures of this particular wedding. What really stuck out was the brilliant colors that everyone wore. Just beautiful. Congratulations on 15 years! I love how you explain “not just any stranger, but your stranger” it really fits with what I have been learning about the culture. Thank you.
November 11th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
Beautiful images and insightful writing! I have wondered myself how arranged marriages work…but you pose the question so much more elegantly..
November 11th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
I love learning about other cultures…always seems to teach me more about myself as well.
November 11th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
“did you ever let your lover see the stranger in yourself?” (Billy Joel of course) intense concept well-portrayed Jaymie. Opens floodgates of thoughts and emotions and questions, not only about cultural differences, but even closer to “home” when it comes to relationships and ‘love’ and marriage and … 🙂
November 11th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
lol, now I’ll be stuck on Billy Joel for part of tomorrow. I know… 😉
November 12th, 2009 at 12:43 am
Hi Jaymie!Pre-arranged marriages does happen abundantly in India however the would be bride and groom remain strangers only in very strict orthodox families.Families which are not so orthodox and strict in customs allow the would be bride and groom to meet often and also get them formally engaged before they are married .
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November 12th, 2009 at 8:15 am
I think this was more about distance than being orthodox. The groom lives in the US and the bride was living in India. If I understood correctly, the engagement ceremony was the night before the wedding? They did have a couple of limited conversations over the internet prior to meeting and had seen pictures of each other – not orthodox?
November 12th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
saffron cape of courage – a beautiful image.
November 12th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
thanks!
November 12th, 2009 at 11:07 pm
ah! arranged marriage and its repercussion, a discussion that has taken over our lives as my friends and I belong to the “eligible to wed” category. Thankfully my family is broadminded and I have the ‘liberty’ to marry out of love. But I still see my friends and colleagues forced to marry someone whom they don’t love coz of the whole mindless caste system.
but I have also seen arranged marriages work as the couple tend not to take each other for granted. well you can never say anything about relationships. too complicated 🙂
November 12th, 2009 at 11:40 pm
You are so right, all relationships are complicated. I can see both ways turning out to be wonderful – either way just takes work and dedication. It ain’t Disneyland, lol.
November 14th, 2009 at 10:24 pm
Those henna hands are just so beautiful, aren’t they?
Wonderfully descriptive, J. I have some Indian friends and have always been in awe of the culture, which is so rich. As for pre-arranged marriages, I can’t begin to form an opinion since the culture and lifestyle are so vastly different from ours. In my opinion, it should be up to the individual to decide, and if it’s okay with the newlyweds, then so be it. What’s our divorce rate over here? 50% or something crazy like that?? Maybe a bit of cultural “glue” is a good thing. Who’s to say who is right or wrong? Live and let live:)
November 15th, 2009 at 12:27 am
I agree and find it fascinating and rich.
November 14th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
Oh, and tell me about that tree!! That is beautiful!!! What is it???
November 15th, 2009 at 12:29 am
It is the national tree of India – It is called a Banyan tree and is a type of fig. Aren’t the prop roots incredible? I sprinkled lots of national symbols in this one, again, just fascinating.
November 21st, 2009 at 10:04 am
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