Monthly Archives: June 2009

Heat Haiku

sun

sun beams from above

sensitivity runs high

words salty like sweat

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Unemployment Blues

like a lead apron

the weight is heavy

concentrated on shoulders

not for an xray

no dentist visit

exposed, but

no little toothache

this will require

deeper drilling

an actual paycheck

to relieve the pressure

rebuild a safety net

brighten the smile

of false security


Housework Haiku

window to the sun

hear the cooler rattling

leave the chores behind6a00d83451b96069e20105370cb470970b-400wi


Icons

I am a little surprised and embarrassed to admit that the death of Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson yesterday was difficult for me to process.  It is not that I believe they shouldn’t be mourned, I just don’t know if they should be mourned by me.  I have had several people that were an integral part of my life die in the past and I understand the grief process as a way to transition to a different type of relationship, one based upon memories.  I didn’t have a two way relationship with either of these pop icons, so why did I respond so strongly?  Or maybe I did have a reciprocal relationship, just not with them personally. 

My memories of these two icons is with the people that were around me when I was younger.  Catching the boys talking about their Farrah poster, all of us girls talking about how to get our hair to flip like hers.  Wanting to own a bathing suit with no liners and figuring out how to convince mom that everyone already had one.  And guess what girls?  We can kick butt and look good doing it!  Shallow as it sounds, these were important topics at the time.  These were about feeling like you fit in and tripping into an early awareness of sexuality.  And Michael?  These memories are of laughing with friends while we tried to mimic dance moves with absolutely no training.  I remember putting on moon boots to see if it would help, as you might have guessed, it didn’t.  This too was about sexuality.  Not the overt crotch grabbing dance moves but more trying to look like you were concentrating on the moves while sending seductive glances to your latest crush.  This was no easy task.  I’m sure I tripped up more than a couple of times which was not the kind of sexy I was aiming for. 

As these memories began tumbling forth yesterday, I thought of the people attached to them.  Some of these friends have died, many I have merely lost touch with.  Still others I have contact with on a regular basis.  We think different things are important now.  Sometimes they are still fairly shallow concerns.  Not generally life changing or life molding, although that’s what I thought back then.  I find myself wondering about my feelings of loss.  Is it a loss of a passionate youth?  I’m still laughing, but rarely that laugh that used to bring me to tears.  The one where you couldn’t catch your breath.  I find that the adult me can wait my turn to share important news.  My new lip gloss is no longer an excuse to cut in mid-sentence.  I think at some level, I miss this.

I know that there are adult lessons to be gained from these two pop icons.  How to fight cancer with dignity.  Stardom and the question of mental illness.  The grown up version of this is your brain on drugs.  None of these things really came to mind yesterday when I heard of their passing.  I simply saw myself immersed in the pool of youth.  I wasn’t looking around for the path forward.  I wasn’t looking backward to see how I had gotten there.  I was splashing, laughing, and enjoying every moment.  This is what I miss.  When loved ones have died in the past, I have looked for actions that will honor their memory.  That is how I best process my grief.  This grief I am going to process by jumping in puddles, doing some crazy dance moves with friends, and getting completely lost in our moment.


Forgot the Apron

Sitting quietly at my kitchen counter

I realize my mixer is stuck in reverse

ideals and antiquated beliefs

fly out the sides of the bowl

ingredients were added one at a time

individually, as directed

 

It turned out bland

 

Now I scan the shelf for seasonings

borrow a cup of something bold

sprinkle mirth from the canister in back

experiment with a new mixture

ever changing and adjusting

the personal blend

 

Hoping to beat the secret recipe


Shudder

I pull the dream from my pocket

Flip it over, feel the weight of it

And wonder if nightmares can be reborn

If monsters can again roam free

In the night, peeking through my eyes at the day

 

Monsters.

 

With plastic incisors like Halloween handouts

Fur like you see on the dash of an outdated car

Eyes rolling independently, nearly finding me

A growl that, left unheard

Might only be a howl

 

I shove it back in my pocket.


The Haiku Summons

sunbeam on my brow

magnifying glass on ant

dead heat of summerIMG_0568