Tag Archives: wisdom

Wide-Eyed Dreaming, a Slow Start

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When dawn awakes at a darkened hour

shall I dream or shall I lament

This life is not meant for those that cower

our thoughts alone can detriment

The clouds can shift and storms arise

in my lifetime I can attest

Air that brings forth compromise

can much surprise beset

Day treads forth and unearths details

that represent a life

With small change my heart might sail

others bring me strife

But never trade your wide-eyed dreaming

because things might depart

Allow those tears a cleansing streaming

sometimes the gift is a slow start

 

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Happy Birthday Justin

Today is my middle son’s birthday. He would have been 27 years old. Living with loss is a funny state of being – we fight it at every turn, always dimly aware that it is inescapable. We create habits to keep us from losing our keys, our place in a book, lists so that we don’t forget one of life’s latest ingredients, we play puzzles to keep from losing our memories and thus, our minds. All this effort to avoid the ultimate equalizer of death. Justin died of SIDS the week before he would have been 6 months old.

Like anyone, I did not want a tremendous loss to be part of my reality. Not me, I don’t belong in this club. A good mom, a great mom…she’s not the mother of a dead child. It’s odd how I let the words of other people sometimes reinforce this falsity. I have to remind myself, they just don’t get it. All of us, regardless of your beliefs, we are human and must investigate our surroundings, our relationships, our relationship to everything through our unique perceptions and abilities. We are not meant to be perfect. If we are lucky we maintain the ability to shift and learn through the lifetime process. If we are luckier still, we have love in our life that is not lost but transformed and weaved into our story. Is it always joyful? No. An easy road? No. Is it worth the risk? Yes.

In past years I’ve often marked anniversary dates with poems to record my feelings regarding the death of Justin. I’ve never wanted to proclaim myself any more knowledgeable than another person on how separation by death feels. I felt that poetry was vague enough to easily be molded to others’ perceptions so that they could decide if there was benefit in my words. I still believe that to be true. Today is different. Today I want to risk being more direct about my feelings regarding Justin. I want you to know about him and the importance he plays in my life and who I am…and who I am becoming. Yes, he is sometimes seen as that tear you want to hide from – sometimes that silly smile as I sing along with an old song – he is part of me…every day. I want you to know so that you can understand why I am celebrating today. Like my other sons and all the important people in my life, Justin is worth celebration.

Please do me a favor as I honor his memory and place in my life and take time today to celebrate those that matter to you. Celebrate them if they are standing next to you, across the country, across the world, in a different belief system, a confusing time in their life, a confusing time in your life, in a difference of opinion, or simply in your memory. Allow me today to be bold enough to proclaim the importance of loving, deeply, with your entire self, even at the risk of losing it all.


What Color is Maturity?

it turns out that it is hit or miss

the salt and pepper of varied experience

a purple robe would be a great addition

not a loose all-encompassing vestment

that speaks of divine hidden knowledge

a fitted number, outgrown and frayed from

searching for the perfect ladder rung

perhaps ripped, revealing frequent descent

inevitable falls back to earth where luckily

movement is broad, possibly prone to change

dynamic in lessons for questing wholeness

allowing for attention to this moment

and discovery that nothing is gained

until you are prepared to let it all go


Kindle Posse

when different minds

gather for like goals

a flame is quickly lit

encouragement rampant

overtaking old myths

changing the landscape

weaving each other in

an amazing journey

so that none are left

behind

 


Firecracker

birds

eight, nine, ten

landing on branches

bending from slight weight

not losing a note of their song

how explosive, daylight freedom

no solid ground required for flight

bang

bang

bang


For Calliope

winter yawns weary breathe

upon my creasing brow

I stand up and look about

for unused fields to plow

 

turn under words laid in haste

seek wisdom from the wind

track my eyes all around

to see what might descend

 

herein lies the marker stone

of what I think I’ve done

truth be known, outside of me

an unearthly sprite does run

 

she visits as I’m sleeping

and when I’m hard at work

never pausing long enough

for my values to assert

 

still I seek her council

looking towards my harvest

will it be found bountiful

or leave me empty hearted


Gaze

dishonor in the apron
even if that is where
i long to be

scrubbing things and
creating life like
family’s recipe

fight for freedom
but not of choice
looking down on nurture

leave them all to
fend for self
not my job, your future

but what if life force
is where longing lies
a mother is who i wish to be

rub their heads
kiss scraped knees
holding worry inside of me

where will this lead
when first they fly
leaving me no child to mend

looking up unto
bright blue sky
with wisdom ready to lend