Tag Archives: gift

Happy Birthday Justin

Today is my middle son’s birthday. He would have been 27 years old. Living with loss is a funny state of being – we fight it at every turn, always dimly aware that it is inescapable. We create habits to keep us from losing our keys, our place in a book, lists so that we don’t forget one of life’s latest ingredients, we play puzzles to keep from losing our memories and thus, our minds. All this effort to avoid the ultimate equalizer of death. Justin died of SIDS the week before he would have been 6 months old.

Like anyone, I did not want a tremendous loss to be part of my reality. Not me, I don’t belong in this club. A good mom, a great mom…she’s not the mother of a dead child. It’s odd how I let the words of other people sometimes reinforce this falsity. I have to remind myself, they just don’t get it. All of us, regardless of your beliefs, we are human and must investigate our surroundings, our relationships, our relationship to everything through our unique perceptions and abilities. We are not meant to be perfect. If we are lucky we maintain the ability to shift and learn through the lifetime process. If we are luckier still, we have love in our life that is not lost but transformed and weaved into our story. Is it always joyful? No. An easy road? No. Is it worth the risk? Yes.

In past years I’ve often marked anniversary dates with poems to record my feelings regarding the death of Justin. I’ve never wanted to proclaim myself any more knowledgeable than another person on how separation by death feels. I felt that poetry was vague enough to easily be molded to others’ perceptions so that they could decide if there was benefit in my words. I still believe that to be true. Today is different. Today I want to risk being more direct about my feelings regarding Justin. I want you to know about him and the importance he plays in my life and who I am…and who I am becoming. Yes, he is sometimes seen as that tear you want to hide from – sometimes that silly smile as I sing along with an old song – he is part of me…every day. I want you to know so that you can understand why I am celebrating today. Like my other sons and all the important people in my life, Justin is worth celebration.

Please do me a favor as I honor his memory and place in my life and take time today to celebrate those that matter to you. Celebrate them if they are standing next to you, across the country, across the world, in a different belief system, a confusing time in their life, a confusing time in your life, in a difference of opinion, or simply in your memory. Allow me today to be bold enough to proclaim the importance of loving, deeply, with your entire self, even at the risk of losing it all.

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What’s on my mind?

flavors of love

passionate

eyes closed

screaming love

taking over

sensibilities

emotions

thoughtless love

over the edge

walking the plank

set me on fire

dangerous love

youthful

wild careening

bucking

evasive love

but what if

that is not

love?

hard work

choosing other

abandoning self

wrap around me

boring routine

complete love

sign me up


Birthday Fun

Last Friday was my birthday. My sister greeted me with the following poem that she wrote and I just had to share. Birthdays are so much fun! ūüôā

Happy birthday to my sister,
from me and the mister
so much fun you can’t resist her,
she’s like a crazy twister
Ooo, look at that faucet, I think it might be a pfister!

 


a resolution

long to be anonymous
lurking in shadows
unnoticed and naked
no title attached
alone, standing quiet
silent sentinel to life
a moment untainted

only a moment

no angle or viewpoint
surrounded by activity
sans desire and intent
baptized by awareness
sanctuary of solitude
replenishing to soul
learn to treasure all


Christmas Window


some storefront windows
have elegant displays
meant to entice you
place a tag on happiness

other scenes exist
their goal is comfort
for laughter to gather
to be warmed by the fire
fed by homemade meals
recipes for contentment
handed down the ages
remembered as unwrapping
each forgotten ornament


Birthing Poets

life is birthing poets
from uncanny places
carts with broken wheels
birds without a melody
dolls with teased hair
and missing clothes
paper castles set on fire
but with each word
they tighten a bolt
discover a new song
and comb things out
putting patches to holes
setting mortar to brick
to home and hearth
life is birthing poets


Pomegranates & Peacock Feathers

peapom

 

 

 

 

i come here to adorn you with daisy chains of red

  for the beauty of self you have yet to behold, to

    lay pomegranates & peacock feathers at your feet

    to lend you the patience to become whole

    the wisdom of the ages to grant you rebirth

    for you have awakened gratitude in me

  when i was about to release all expectations

and relinquish fanciful dreams