Tag Archives: blessings

Maria ( /məˈraɪ.ə/)

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here is ancestors’ voice

rising upon the air

encircling

welcome home

allowance

I am

love not lost

preserved in breath

the fill

the unheard

ponders answered

here

now

definitions fall

I am

not to heal

not broken

no path is straight

just forward

nothing destroyed

merely changing form


Happy Birthday Justin

Today is my middle son’s birthday. He would have been 27 years old. Living with loss is a funny state of being – we fight it at every turn, always dimly aware that it is inescapable. We create habits to keep us from losing our keys, our place in a book, lists so that we don’t forget one of life’s latest ingredients, we play puzzles to keep from losing our memories and thus, our minds. All this effort to avoid the ultimate equalizer of death. Justin died of SIDS the week before he would have been 6 months old.

Like anyone, I did not want a tremendous loss to be part of my reality. Not me, I don’t belong in this club. A good mom, a great mom…she’s not the mother of a dead child. It’s odd how I let the words of other people sometimes reinforce this falsity. I have to remind myself, they just don’t get it. All of us, regardless of your beliefs, we are human and must investigate our surroundings, our relationships, our relationship to everything through our unique perceptions and abilities. We are not meant to be perfect. If we are lucky we maintain the ability to shift and learn through the lifetime process. If we are luckier still, we have love in our life that is not lost but transformed and weaved into our story. Is it always joyful? No. An easy road? No. Is it worth the risk? Yes.

In past years I’ve often marked anniversary dates with poems to record my feelings regarding the death of Justin. I’ve never wanted to proclaim myself any more knowledgeable than another person on how separation by death feels. I felt that poetry was vague enough to easily be molded to others’ perceptions so that they could decide if there was benefit in my words. I still believe that to be true. Today is different. Today I want to risk being more direct about my feelings regarding Justin. I want you to know about him and the importance he plays in my life and who I am…and who I am becoming. Yes, he is sometimes seen as that tear you want to hide from – sometimes that silly smile as I sing along with an old song – he is part of me…every day. I want you to know so that you can understand why I am celebrating today. Like my other sons and all the important people in my life, Justin is worth celebration.

Please do me a favor as I honor his memory and place in my life and take time today to celebrate those that matter to you. Celebrate them if they are standing next to you, across the country, across the world, in a different belief system, a confusing time in their life, a confusing time in your life, in a difference of opinion, or simply in your memory. Allow me today to be bold enough to proclaim the importance of loving, deeply, with your entire self, even at the risk of losing it all.


What’s on my mind?

flavors of love

passionate

eyes closed

screaming love

taking over

sensibilities

emotions

thoughtless love

over the edge

walking the plank

set me on fire

dangerous love

youthful

wild careening

bucking

evasive love

but what if

that is not

love?

hard work

choosing other

abandoning self

wrap around me

boring routine

complete love

sign me up


life pulse

a heart sits

behind the eyes

viewing private tapes

living moments 

abiding in between

interpretations found

rendering verdicts

composing diversions

making silent wishes

until it beats no longer

light goes dim

curtains close

others look for meaning


Ever Thankful

serendipity surrounds
as sun seeped slopes
erupt in evergreen hopeful
blazing hearts and trails
leaving mind to wander off
into silent slumbering solitude
soul communing with live
beating drums of eternal embrace
discovering earthen tribes that
become the rhythm that sways
branches of the tallest sycamore
while cradling the possibilities


Birthday Fun

Last Friday was my birthday. My sister greeted me with the following poem that she wrote and I just had to share. Birthdays are so much fun! 🙂

Happy birthday to my sister,
from me and the mister
so much fun you can’t resist her,
she’s like a crazy twister
Ooo, look at that faucet, I think it might be a pfister!

 


Sixth Sense

dragon quest moves
along these streets
cloaked gray mist
to a marble bar

where flower can bloom
beneath boiling water
ailments healed by
chrysanthemum

words drift to open ear
anxious discovery
of the veiled lair
passage home


On My Mind

what’s on the fridge
some childhood art
life’s freedom painted
from nephew hands

what’s on the table
gifts of light, burned
not saved but spent
in bright friendship

what’s on the counter
wine to share, bread
to break with others
make a meal complete

what’s on the desk
notes, words, paint
pencil, pen, brush
thoughts for later

what’s on the pillow
an inviting spot
to rest my head
in a silent dream

 


Whisper Request

speak of foods that melt in mouth
dreams that land softly on pillows
laughter recalled in darkest night
kisses imprinted on each reunion
fill me up with fragrant serenades
let joyful memories be my bounty
calling me home from masquerade
let cloaks of sadness be checked
fill no hearts with longing regrets
curse only the act to seek a divide
weep losses while knitting them in
nightmares lasting only an instance
whisper me a future of gratitude


Coat of Joy

i used to wear joy like a borrowed coat
it didn’t fit quite right, always wondering if
others saw sleeves too long, bunched up
it was old and worn, slightly out of style
often got hung up on the rack in the entry
but then i remembered, we all arrive naked
coats and clothes are just an afterthought
meant to keep us warm

often function is forgotten
dress to impress attitude feels empty, cold
gray coats of sorrow draining color from soul
all the well-fitting suits like heavy heart armor
hurt attached at sleeve

i took the ensemble to the cleaners
now preserved in plastic wrap
pulled joy with silly bright patterns off the rack
shrugged it back on, no more imperfect than me

as i dance in the streets some tatters fall away
creating need for mending, pieces tucked in pocket
looking up i catch a glimpse of other coats of joy
twirling through the crowd, with closer observation
an unfolding vision of multicolored patches
gave in friendship rich as gold