it is easy to forget
that each day is new
dictionary always available
to define, refine
sometimes it’s a thesaurus
leading us slowly
to something different
today it is discovery
that old pieces can be recycled
joy has a memory
a shift can drop a piece in place
comforting in familiarity
yet casting a new shadow
sometimes you are most active
when you are still
I kept looking to those purple roses today
wanting perfection
all the words
that would make it plain
without bogging anyone else down
You were here
I am me because you were you
and we were in an intersection of time
both solid and without discernable boundaries
a single note of a sterling song
that remains in tune as each chord is struck
memories building the melody
until the refrain doesn’t need the lyrics
because the moments are the perfection
that create a universal ballad
when one stops to listen to a heart
that grieves a heart that stopped
When dawn awakes at a darkened hour
shall I dream or shall I lament
This life is not meant for those that cower
our thoughts alone can detriment
The clouds can shift and storms arise
in my lifetime I can attest
Air that brings forth compromise
can much surprise beset
Day treads forth and unearths details
that represent a life
With small change my heart might sail
others bring me strife
But never trade your wide-eyed dreaming
because things might depart
Allow those tears a cleansing streaming
sometimes the gift is a slow start
here is ancestors’ voice
rising upon the air
encircling
welcome home
allowance
I am
love not lost
preserved in breath
the fill
the unheard
ponders answered
here
now
definitions fall
I am
not to heal
not broken
no path is straight
just forward
nothing destroyed
merely changing form
Today is my middle son’s birthday. He would have been 27 years old. Living with loss is a funny state of being – we fight it at every turn, always dimly aware that it is inescapable. We create habits to keep us from losing our keys, our place in a book, lists so that we don’t forget one of life’s latest ingredients, we play puzzles to keep from losing our memories and thus, our minds. All this effort to avoid the ultimate equalizer of death. Justin died of SIDS the week before he would have been 6 months old.
Like anyone, I did not want a tremendous loss to be part of my reality. Not me, I don’t belong in this club. A good mom, a great mom…she’s not the mother of a dead child. It’s odd how I let the words of other people sometimes reinforce this falsity. I have to remind myself, they just don’t get it. All of us, regardless of your beliefs, we are human and must investigate our surroundings, our relationships, our relationship to everything through our unique perceptions and abilities. We are not meant to be perfect. If we are lucky we maintain the ability to shift and learn through the lifetime process. If we are luckier still, we have love in our life that is not lost but transformed and weaved into our story. Is it always joyful? No. An easy road? No. Is it worth the risk? Yes.
In past years I’ve often marked anniversary dates with poems to record my feelings regarding the death of Justin. I’ve never wanted to proclaim myself any more knowledgeable than another person on how separation by death feels. I felt that poetry was vague enough to easily be molded to others’ perceptions so that they could decide if there was benefit in my words. I still believe that to be true. Today is different. Today I want to risk being more direct about my feelings regarding Justin. I want you to know about him and the importance he plays in my life and who I am…and who I am becoming. Yes, he is sometimes seen as that tear you want to hide from – sometimes that silly smile as I sing along with an old song – he is part of me…every day. I want you to know so that you can understand why I am celebrating today. Like my other sons and all the important people in my life, Justin is worth celebration.
Please do me a favor as I honor his memory and place in my life and take time today to celebrate those that matter to you. Celebrate them if they are standing next to you, across the country, across the world, in a different belief system, a confusing time in their life, a confusing time in your life, in a difference of opinion, or simply in your memory. Allow me today to be bold enough to proclaim the importance of loving, deeply, with your entire self, even at the risk of losing it all.
a heart sits
behind the eyes
viewing private tapes
living moments
abiding in between
interpretations found
rendering verdicts
composing diversions
making silent wishes
until it beats no longer
light goes dim
curtains close
others look for meaning
Shakira over at You Are Never Alone presented me with this Easter gift basket for a cause. I would like to pass this along to all my readers so that we are sure to hit the donation maximum. Please consider posting this fun basket and participating in Hershey’s Better Basket Blog Hop. Rules and such:
I had some good intentions but they have gone awry… For those that don’t know, I’m working on consolidating my blog and my website. Unfortunately, this is going much slower than originally intended. I had been waiting to acknowledge some awards until my grand unveiling but given delays that will no longer do! 🙂 So, here we go….
A while back I was over at the lovely Luisa Doraz blog, Believe In Yourself , and she was having a wonderful contest about guessing what anniversary she was celebrating. Era, over at Today’s Thought, and yours truly guessed correctly that it was her silver anniversary. We were both awarded the beautiful flowers seen below. I have to admit that I feel like I cheated. I recognized her wedding dress as being very similar to my own. Congratulations again on 25 years of marriage Luisa, I know it comes from lots of love and hard work!
The next award I would like to acknowledge is the Best Blog Award. I actually have had the priviledge to be given this award by two of my wonderful blogging friends, Luisa Doraz at Believe In Yourself and Tasneem Rangoonwala at Laugh Hard! In a time when life is a little stressful and uncertain, they both have brought the gift of laughter back into my life. I can’t thank them both enough for not only the award but the mission they are on to remind all of us to enjoy each day. What greater gift could there be? Please visit them for your own health and happiness!
As luck would have it, each of these awards allows me to pass along the honor to 15 of my other blogging friends. Of course the award immediately reflects back to the gifters but now everyone else on my blogroll can also enjoy and send the love along! This is for all of you!
Beyond My Window for heartfelt words that always ring true (be sure to check her other links)
Bliss Bait for incredible art and rainbow views on the world
Brainstew – Impressions Personafied for The Poetry Corner and connecting to others through poetry
Calliope’s Pen for depth of her words and ability with an incredible variety of forms – great humor and friendship too
Courting Disaster for her own incredible poetry and the lovely finds of other poets and musicians
DarcKnyt for his wit, humor, and his ability to make us take fear head on (check his other links)
Dying Man’s Daily Journal because he inspires me to live
Sheeluvlee for the raw emotion she is willing to share – you are a brave woman of strength
J. Ruth Kelly for philosophy and insight…and feeling like home
Jamie Spencer for edgy insights and love of the open road
Jpenstroke’s Blog because memoirs never felt so personal before I found you
L. K. Thayer’s Poetry Juice Bar will squeeze you and then line up other tremendous wordsmiths and artists to do the same
Outlandos d’Amour because it will make him crazy to have to tell me he won’t post the award and his writing makes me melt
Paul Wylie’s Blog for his wonderful observations shared through poetry
Poetical Ness for unearthing the poet within…we are blessed
Purple’s Platitudes for sharing your words, your thoughts, and your heart with us and for taking on complex forms and approaches
Randall Dean Scott for choosing poetry as your lifeline and reminding us that we can too
Sam I Am (not) for sharing her thoughts on love and relationships – what an open heart
Shadowplay for holding our hand while we venture down a path of light and darkness – I love the thoughts you spark
Signposts On The Way for wonderful digital art, thoughtful reminders on how to live, and posts of his philosophies on life
Soul Dose for her strength, her honesty, and letting us join in her journey – the humor too
Summer Rain for her posts on love – love of her child, her self, and others – heart warming
The “Ness” in Darcness 😉 first for the fun look at marriage and family life, a love of kittehs, and overall fun posts (check her other links too)
The Dark Lord’s Blog has some poetry you don’t want to miss – somehow it never reminds me of the dark
The Self Love Project is always a busy place – posts from special causes, to poetry, to personal journal, to the next great surprise
This Human’s Condition is another place I visit for humor and a observations on pop culture
Today’s Thought is a journal blog with observations, recommendations, insights and fun
Utopian Fragments incredible poetry to broaden my views and make me think
Whispers of Conciousness a poet, artist, and photographer giving us a glimpse
Whizbangwoman has poetry, personal journal, even book and movie recommendations for all
All of you deserve so much more than just this award. Your willingness to put yourselves out into the public arena and share of your self is a daily inspiration. Know that I am always eager to read your words and have incredible respect for each of you. Blessings to you this holiday season and always ~ Jaymie
A few weeks ago Danielle over at Calliope’s Pen gifted me with the Kreative Blogger Award. To be honest it came at a time when I was feeling really unworthy and questioning the value of my own creativity. Being surrounded by the incredible bloggers you find listed to the right can be fairly intimidating. Having one of the most talented in the list single me out is just, well, amazing encouragement. Danielle is not only a talented writer but she is creative in a way few dare. She writes in form, out of form, in a box, with a….oh wait…what I mean to say is – if you really take the time to read Danielle’s work, you will be pulled back again and again. You will want to study the nuances that always exist. You will be challenged to try new angles with your craft because she is that inspiring.
So there are rules with this award and as part of my creative license, I have decided to disregard them. I cannot bring myself to narrow down my blogroll to a handful of creative recipients. Instead I have decided that once a week I will take a moment to tell you what I enjoy most about some of the incredible bloggers to the right. Reader, please stay tuned…fellow bloggers, please consider yourselves equal recipients of my admiration and this award. Feel free to copy the award and, if so inclined, email me for the actual specifics on this award.
Now, is anybody hungry??
Azfree over at Beyond My Window sent me this yummy today! If I read correctly, she has also deemed today as Sexy Donut Day. Be sure to check out her blog and the extra links you will find there. She is currently working as a journalist in Las Vegas although I am trying to sell her on the merits of Colorado. Her poetry will resonate and stick with you long after you walk away from the screen. Learn about Las Vegas, learn about yourself, just don’t let her slip past you.
Like the award above, this sexy donut is for all the SWEET bloggers out there! Whether you update everyday or once a week – this is for you. I may not always comment, often because I am stunned and can’t think of adequate words, but I am stopping by with coffee in hand you can be sure.
