An Earnest Prayer for a Forgiving Heart

I am deeply humbled by many things.  When I lie awake for hours in the middle of the night I struggle with the wrongs I replay, real or imagined.  Thank you for sprinkling my life with moments that jar me from my stupor.  The fear, doubt, and lack of faith I battle are met with reminders of what you have tried to teach me.  The desire of a stranger to touch the hem of a tattered robe.  The willingness of a stranger to approach me as a child of my creator. The faithful following the procession along a dangerous path.  The faithful encouraging me as I wander about searching for the right road to follow.   A turn of cheek and acceptance of wrongful persecution.  My two grown sons, curious at actions rather than angry at individuals.  The excruciating separation from your son, your children, caused by sin.  The ongoing grief over the death of my son that waxes, wanes, and causes a search for meaning.  I look about and see war between countries, political parties, belief systems, strangers, friends, family, and we even create them between fictional characters… I feel attacked, unworthy, tired, and angry… I want to create dividing lines and make them pay…  I want to hurt those that are petty with my children… I want to be right so they can be wrong… I want what you have shown me is not healthy for my life.  I need to learn that they, them, the others…are me.  I need to learn to forgive or continue to be condemned to this ugly battle. Please teach me to forgive so that I may be forgiven.  Teach me to love more fully even though it will make me more vulnerable.  Teach me to learn.  I am filled with gratitude for your continued attempts, please don’t give up on me yet.

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12 responses to “An Earnest Prayer for a Forgiving Heart

  • Jingle

    lovely message sent, how are you?

  • Berna

    Hi Jaymie. Thank you for letting us into your personal musings. You are not alone, my sister. May you know in the heights and depths of your soul that your prayer has been signed, sealed and delivered, and that Father will indeed bless you with what you ask. It will be as you ask. I’ve been in some of your places.

  • Jaymie

    Thank you for the encouragement. Now to roll up my sleeves and get to it. 🙂

  • DarcsFalcon

    Ah Jaymie! *hugs* Sometimes there are no words to comfort the hurting heart and all I know to do is hug someone, try to absorb some of their pain into my self. So I hug you as best I can.

    I know that our Father answers our most heartfelt prayers like this, that seek to do His will. He will bless you, of that I have no doubt. 🙂

    Peace to you, my friend.

  • Julie

    Hi Jaymie, so nice to visit you again. I haven’t visited or written as much since I went back to work full time, over a year ago.

    Many blessings to you. Thank you for sharing your journey. It helps everyone who reads it.

    Peace,

    Julie

    • Jaymie

      Great to hear from you Julie! I hope all is well and that you are enjoying being back to work full time. I really miss blogging and keep trying to find ways to work it back in….know how to add a few more hours to my days? 🙂 Wishing you peace and wonder also Julie, take care.

  • jruthkelly

    i’ve been long under the blanket of my own prayers and not very active beyond pressing the “publish” button on posts i feel less powerfully than i want to feel. your words here are such precious sharing of the beauty that is you and they feed, encourage. thank you for sharing the wealth…

    • Jaymie

      I still stalk your writing regularly. 😉 I feel drained lately but know that getting back into writing will help…I just need to try harder to make time for it. I miss the relief my muse always seemed to offer up.

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