Hummingbirds Scare Me

I watched the movie “Yes Man” about a week ago.  Typically this is the type of movie I have to be convinced to watch.  Being a person prone to saying no to many experiences, I was intrigued by the idea.  For me, saying no has everything to do with fear.  With each year my fear grows.  I used to have somewhat reasonable fears but now I find them teetering on the edge of ridiculous.  I am actually afraid of hummingbirds.  I haven’t even been able to determine a name for this phobia.  Lots of things bother me about these little buggers.  First, they hover.  It’s like when someone pretends to nap then suddenly leaps at you and yells “boo”.  Have you seen one?  They have long pointed beaks that look about the right size to put an eye out.  Combine that with their speed and you are just asking for trouble.  They could lull you in with the hover, dash at you and poke your eye out, then disappear before they can be caught and tested for bird flu or rabies.  They just don’t seem like a safe bet if you own any bright colored clothing.

My husband, and he is not alone, thinks this is ridiculous.  How can a grown woman that claims to have no fear of death have a hummingbird phobia?  I have fear of scarier things.  I once dreamt that two crack heads were wandering around our neighborhood looking for a house to break into.  We live on the edge of our neighborhood, in a cul de sac, and anyone that “cased” our house for even a day would quickly discover that there wouldn’t be anything worth pawning.  But it was a vivid dream (and a good reason to stop watching on demand shows about crack heads).  I didn’t sleep for several nights and started being more careful about how I approached our car in the driveway.  Crack heads obviously don’t think clearly so I should check the car for them prior to getting in.  I know, warped. 

This odd little list seems to grow by leaps and bounds.  It clearly has taken on a mind of its own.  I’m concerned that it might be a bit of an epidemic.  Two nights ago our 19 year old and his girlfriend approached my husband and I about our son’s need for a new cell phone.  He needed one of us to go along to get it because he is on our account.  No big deal, he’s the one buying the phone.  What was strange was the absolute panic his girlfriend was experiencing.  We had decided that we would go the next morning to get the replacement phone and then I heard her begin to hyperventilate.  “What if there’s an emergency before then?  What if he goes out tonight and his car breaks down?  What if my car breaks down on the way to school and I can’t reach him?  What if…”  I immediately understood how she felt and even threw in my own, “What if those crack heads show up, hit your house instead of ours, incapacitate all of your family except for you and you can’t call our son to come to the rescue (she lives next door)?”  Hmmm?  911?

This is the point when I remember watching the movie.  It’s time for me to say yes more often.  I need a healthy reminder that most days things don’t go wrong and the thrill when they threaten to will not kill me.  I need to do this for me.  I need to do this for my family’s sanity.  Lastly, I need to do this for the adorable girl next door, she really needs a model for this one.


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